Questioning Post: Part 5 - General Stuff

• As a child you always thought you’d either never get married or platonically marry a friend.

No, I don't think so.

• You think that because you could survive dating, marrying, and/or having sex with a man, you’re attracted to men (hint: you don’t have to settle for just surviving).

I don't know, I don't date. N/A

• The men in your fantasies are faceless or symbolise an emotion.

Possibly, yes.

• You don’t like fantasising about men. After fantasising about men you feel uncomfortable or wrong.

I don't know. Maybe?

• You think you have to learn how to love men.

I don't know? I don't think I've felt this way?

• You think men-attracted women over-exaggerate their attraction to men and you can’t comprehend finding a man as attractive as they do.

I have no idea. Sometimes? My friends/cousins always like these dudes that I think are way less attractive than them.

• You can’t imagine being so invested in a man/relationship with a man or valuing a man/relationship with a man as much as men-attracted women.

I don't know, honestly.

• Men expressing their attraction to men is more relatable than women expressing their attraction for men. (There’s something specific about same-gender attraction that any form of it is just more relatable than different gender attraction.)

I don't know? I certainly prefer m/m or f/f couples to f/m couples in media, but I think that that's because there's so few of them?

• You think you just have to give men a chance.

N/A, I don't date.

• You feel very uncomfortable reading or watching m/f erotica, or even just general m/f romantic interactions.

No, I don't think so? I haven't read m/f erotica in a while though, so. I watch het porn, and it doesn't make me uncomfortable as much as I just find it sort of boring.

• Other people tell you you’re acting like an over-invested lesbian ally or you feel like you are acting like an over-invested lesbian ally.

Not specifically a "lesbian ally," but it used to be this way before I started ID as bi.

• You think your relationships with men don’t work out because you’re bad at relationships in general.

N/A

• You think you just have high standards and that’s why you don’t want to date any men.

Possibly? A friend of mine did tell me I have "high standards" once.

• You think you’re just a late bloomer and will be attracted to men eventually.

No, I've had crushes on men/boys before.

• The only men you’re attracted to are those who hurt you, harass you, or abuse you.

When I was a kid I had a crush on boys that were cruel to me, but I haven't since. Men who are abusive or mean to me, tend to repulse me.

• You think it’s impossible for lesbians to have a happy future with women, but you think you could be the exception to the rule (this ties in with internalised homophobia).

N/A, I definitely think it's possible for wlw to be in happy, fulfilling relationships with other wlw.

• Do you love them because they’re your boyfriend or are they your boyfriend because you love them? If it’s the first, you might not actually be attracted to them.

 N/A, never had a boyfriend.

• You go through past memories trying to prove your attraction to men (”But I had a boyfriend when I was 13!”).

Yes, I do do that.

• You put yourself through having romantic or sexual relationships with men to prove to yourself and other people that you’re attracted to men.

N/A

• You know that lesbians exist but you think you can’t possibly be one of them because if you were, you’d know already - very common!

Yes, yeah.

• You think you’re attracted to men but just don’t want to date them.

Maybe? Yeah, Kind of.

• You don’t like kissing/touching/having sex with your husband/boyfriend or you’re not attracted to your husband/boyfriend, but it must be because he’s not the one for you (or another excuse).

N/A

• Most of your experiences with men are/were men being attracted to you, and you sort of going along with it.

N/A

• You find yourself wishing you could just have one hot fling with a woman just to try it out, or fantasise about it.

N/A, I already ID as bi.

• You think attraction is just “not being disgusted by a man.”

No? I don't think that's what I think attraction is? I think?

• You enjoy consuming f/f erotica a lot more than any other type, and find fantasising about women a lot more satisfying than any other fantasy.

Not particularly, I prefer m/m.

• You crave “platonic” physical contact with your female friends but wish that men would just leave you alone.

Yes, maybe? It has mostly been platonic (I think.)

• You’re only attracted to men whose attention would somehow be profitable (i.e. men in positions of power such as your boss).

N/A

• Deciding who to be attracted to, or asking people who you should crush on.

Perhaps? I'm not sure.

• You try to pursue your feelings for other women through going on “platonic dates” with women and “practising on women.”

N/A, I don't date and I already know I'm bi. I've never been into the whole "practicing" thing.

• You think you’re too young/busy to be attracted to men or have a fulfilling relationship with a man.

Maybe? Yes?

• “I would totally date [x woman] if they were a guy!! ! !!”

I don't think I've said that in my life,  no.

• You have abstract crushes that you don’t actually want to progress into romantic and/or sexual relationships - very common.

Yes, I think so?

• You date men because it’s what you’re supposed to do, and stay with them because you can’t find a good reason to break up.

N/A

• You really want to be a lesbian and only date women but feel like you can’t because of some lingering, vague idea of attraction to men, but the idea of dating a man is distressing, gross, upsetting, boring, unsatisfying, or makes you feel trapped.

I don't know, maybe?

• Being very specific with the men you’re “interested” in but having absolutely no type when it comes to girls because they’re all so beautiful.

I honestly have no clue. Maybe?

• You wish your boyfriend/husband was more like a female friend.

N/A

• It seems like you have to force yourself to find guys attractive, have crushes on them, etc.

Sometimes? Maybe?

• You feel grossed out by/neutral towards heterosexual romance, but not romance between women.

No, I don't think so? I mean perhaps irl, I feel neutral and sometimes grossed out. In media, it's fine. Sometimes I really like het couples even.

• You couldn’t imagine yourself being in a very long-term relationship with/married to a man.

I don't know? Maybe?

• You feel like you could have a romantic relationship with a man but not a sexual relationship, or vice versa.

Yes, vice versa.

• Your attraction to men feels less real than your attraction to women, and it feels much more forced.

I have no idea. Sometimes I doubt my attraction to women too.

Conclusion:

I suppose this was helpful to an extent, but overall I'm still confused. Now I'm both uncomfortable saying I'm bi, because what if I'm not actually bi?; but I'm also not quite comfortable calling myself gay/lesbian either, so that's great! /sarcasm

I wish I had more experience with relationships so I could know for sure. I know that's not technically a requirement, but at this point I'm not sure what else I could do to "test," who I'm attracted to.