So there has been a lot of talk in social justice circles lately whether or not certain dating "preferences" such as saying you are not attracted to a whole group of people (one or another race/ethnicity, disabled folks, trans people) is due to discrimination against that group.
The short answer is, kind of. Probably, yes.
I really don't get how anyone can argue that saying, "I'm just not attracted to black people" is not racist? Black people don't all look alike! And nobody is saying you have to be attracted to every black person, but the idea that you can put all people, who only share one trait (and not even to the same degree) together and know for sure that you are not attracted to them? Can you tell the future?
The discussion becomes even more flawed, if you involve trans people and disabled people. You can't always tell who is trans and disabled and who isn't, and thinking that you can is definitely ableist/transphobic/wtv.
I mean, there's definitely cases where the particular person's predicament might not work for you and that's obviously fine.
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| I have always wanted to use this gif. |
Anyway, there's a lot of nuance here that I'm not equipped to talk about, nor do I really want to get in the nitty-gritty of this discussion, because it never ends well. That's not what I really want to talk about. Instead I want to bring up another point that I've realized over time:
This entire discussion is just completely irrelevant!
You can't guilt anyone into liking someone they don't like, and calling them x phobic is only going to make them defensive. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, minorities don't really want to date people who are so bigoted towards our identities or disabilities; that they will refuse to date us, strictly based on the fact that we share a trait with a wide variety of people. Basically, I'm not salivating biphobe ass, as much as it might flatter some to think that I am.
You can't guilt anyone into liking someone they don't like, and calling them x phobic is only going to make them defensive. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, minorities don't really want to date people who are so bigoted towards our identities or disabilities; that they will refuse to date us, strictly based on the fact that we share a trait with a wide variety of people. Basically, I'm not salivating biphobe ass, as much as it might flatter some to think that I am.
So really, it's a win -win! Minorities don't want to date someone who makes us feel bad about ourselves and bigots don't "have to" date anyone they deem undatable.
What I really want to talk about, is people who keep insisting on defending their right to not date a certain kind of person, without being called bigots. Because I really wonder,
why?
Why do these people feel the need to do that?
Some try to argue that calling people out for their bigotry "rape culture." Because minorities are trying to guilt people into fucking us, which is emotional manipulation and therefore rape, right?
Sure, except most people I know, who encounter bigots that don't want to date us for an inherent trait are like "Ok, dude, whatever! I'm not gonna beg. I have too much self respect for that."
I'm sure someone can try to guilt people into being into us by calling out their bigotry... I just really doubt it will result in sex.
Also comparing minorities to rapists? Nice! Real fucking original, you guys!
Look, I'm not saying that someone from a minority can never rape anyone, that's obviously ridiculous. Even guilt tripping someone into sleeping with you? Yeah it's possible, but those cases are outliners and not a general societal problem to be addressed like some people are trying to make it out to be.
No, the big, scary sjws aren't raping the poor, innocent majority.
Secondly, you gotta wonder why do these people feel the need to tell minorities how unfuckable we are?
Look, I get it, you don't want to date trans people and you don't want to feel bad about that. But why do you feel the need to keep telling trans people that you do't want to date them? Do you have a trans person that's interested in you, but you are not interested back, or do you just like making trans people feel bad about themselves?
A lot of privileged people love to phrase this as, "oh we are just having a civil discussion, uwu! no harm in that."
Assflash, newshole: My identity is not a discussion! If you say "I don't want to date a bisexual, because all bisexuals cheat!" you aren't just having a harmless discussion, you are actively spreading biphobia. And then other people are going to see that and feel validated in their biphobia, because their favorite blogger, or YouTuber or celebrity, or even online/rl friend encouraged this "opinion."
So honestly? Keep your dating "preferences" to yourself!
You can reject the vast number of minority people who I'm sure are going to be attracted to you (hint: it's probably not going to be that many); and just shut the fuck up, my dude! Stop telling minorities how undatable and unfuckable we are. It's gross, it's bigoted, and it doesn't make you look good!
