25 Reasons Why Twilight Is Better Than 50 Shades

Oh, don't get me wrong, Twilight is horrendous. But at least it's not 50 Shades.

1. Twilight is unintentionally hilarious. 50 Shades is either dull or aggravating. 

Example:
"Aren't you hungry?" he asked.
"No," I didn't want to mention that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies."

2. This one is going to hurt, but... Twilight has a somewhat, coherent, sensible, plot, which actually affects the characters and their relationship.

Yes, it's not very smart plot, and it goes away almost as soon as it shows up, but at least it's there... kind of. 50 Shades on the other hand is just filled with over-the-top drama and villains that in the don't really affect Ana and Christian and the inner conflict is finished by the end of book 2.

3. Stephenie Meyer doesn't hate her protagonists.

SM's writing sure has some... unfortunate implications, to put it mildly, but she does openly hate her Native American characters. Jacob in particular is pretty nice and likable character, at least in the beginning. James on the other hand goes out of her way to make sure that José is stereotypically brown Hispanic, and then has him almost date-rape Ana in chapter 3, to make sure that we don't like him and he is no competition for Grey (even though Grey is much worse).

4. Twilight has a, er... philosophy?!

There are... ideas in Twilight. Badly portrayed and underdeveloped ideas for sure, but ideas nonetheless. 50 Shades just has "kinky people are fucked up" and "being rich is cool." Thanks for that, ELJ!

5. Twilight doesn't (completely) gloss over scenes without Edward in them.

Maybe the first book does, but later on we get some really cool scenes with the werewolves and the other vampires and even a few "human" scenes. Jacob even becomes the narrator for a little while and we get to learn more about the werewolf-pack dynamics. 50 Shades on the other hand, feels that if Christian isn't in the picture, we don't care, when in reality I spend every moment wishing he would go away.

6. Internal conflict

Yeah, yeah, everyone knew that Bella will end up with Edward. But Jacob was still a very viable option, what he offered was tempting, even if just for a moment. And the whole human/vampire thing kind of presented a problem for the main pairing (only kind of). Christian has no romantic rivals, since Ana never likes anyone else (unless you count Kate, but unfortunately, I don't think we can) and the only conflict the books present is that Ana doesn't like pain. Which they later "overcome", because he stops beating her. Progress?

7. Twilight has the Volturi.

Self-explanatory. Moving on:

8. Edward has companions. Christian doesn't.

Edward has a family. How much he enjoys their company is debatable, but at least we are supposed to think he likes them. Christian has a brother and sister he seems to actively dislike and his only friend is the woman who molested him as a young teenager.

9. The dad.

Charlie was amazing. I wish he'd gotten the treatment he deserved. Ray was... in two scenes and then in a coma. Umm...

10. The mom.'

Renee might have been absent-minded and flighty, but she was also sweet and caring. When Christian shows up in Georgia, Carla basically tells Ana to go fuck him, while they were spending time together (filing this under: "conversations that will never happen") instead of: "He followed you to Georgia without your invitation or knowledge, after you specifically told him you want time away?! Ana, honey, call the cops, call them now!"

11. No tedious email-exchanges in Twilight.

Twilight may have felt like it was happening more in the early 90s than the beginning of the 21st century, but at least it didn't treat us to incredibly long and dull email-exchanges with incredibly long TO: FROM: DATE: SUBJECT:, unlike those other books.

12. "This is the skin of a killer, Bella!" *sparkles*

Nothing, absolutely nothing in the entire universe can ever top this moment!

13. 50 Shades is actively homophobic, Twilight just pretends LGBTQ+ people don't exist.

Obviously neither alternative is great, but if I had to pick whether to be ignored by mainstream media; or being told that it's better to be an abusive asshole than to be gay or that my sexuality would be a "deal breaker" in a relationship (what Ana says about Kate, when Christian implies Elliot is bisexual); I would definitely pick the first option.

14. The ending.

Yes the ending of Twilight is pretty cheesy and it doesn't actually tie up the loose ending of the Volturi, but at least it doesn't read like the fever dream Ana has after Christian finally murders her.

15. Stephanie Meyer was passionate about her story until the end. James hated it by the time the third book came around.

Sure, Breaking Dawn was an epic failure even by Twilight standards, because SMeyer wrote it as the sequel of Twilight and didn't change it enough to account for New Moon and Eclipse, but at least it didn't read like she was being forced into writing it.

16. Twilight inspired literacy.

Twilight came in the perfect time after the Harry Potter phenomenon was dying out and inspired teens and tweens to read (hopefully better) books. 50 Shades just inspired vanilla people into thinking they are suddenly incredibly risqué now and overran kinky communities with uneducated fake subs and abusers looking for an easy victim.*

17. Bella doesn't feel the compulsive need to always be the prettiest girl in the room.

Sure she's a lot more vain than SM likes to pretend, but at least she doesn't feel an almost compulsive need to compare herself to any other woman in the room, even in a situation where people are worried and looking good isn't the first thing on their minds.

18. Vampire baseball

Second only to "skin of a killer!" Sorry, 50 Shades, no way you can top that!

19. The beta couples

We may not get to see too much of Jasper/Alice or Rosalie/Emmett, but we certainly get a lot more than anything about Kate/Elliot and Mia/Ethan in 50 Shades. And the only reason why Mia starts dating Ethan, and Kate starts dating Elliot in the first place, is because they were based off on characters who were together in Twilight

20. Edward isn't entirely unrealistic (for a vampire). Christian is.

Edward often acts and talks out of his time; he knows a lot more than an actual 17-year-old; his reaction(s) to Bella make sense etc. Christian left college to start a business; manages to become richer than Bill Gates in less than ten years; yet constantly blows off work to go to a near town and stalk a girl; responds to personal emails instantly; goes on long vacations and all in all... never really seems to work.

21. Bella fights for what she wants (sort of). Ana doesn't.

Bella wants to be a vampire and she'll do anything to get it. Sure, that doesn't always portray her in the best light, but at least she is not a complete pushover.

22. Bella and Edward have things in common (sort of). Christian and Ana, have nothing, except sex.

Bella and Edward like dull music, "classic literature," and talking about supernatural stuff. If Ana and Christian stopped banging for ten seconds they will quickly realise they have absolutely no common interests or hobbies.

23. Bella actually bonds with the Cullens. Ana just sort of... tolerates the Greys.

Bella likes the Cullens and they like her back. Ana is neutral towards his parents, tolerates his siblings and doesn't much care for his grandparents.

24. The names

Bella Swan and Edward Cullen might be pretentious and self-indulgent names, but at least they sound like actual names. WTF is Anastasia Rose Steele?

25. Potential for sequels about other characters

Edward and Bella's story is definitely finished, but there are plenty of other characters, whose stories can be told in Twilight. Unless someone writes the secret bisexual adventures of of Elliot and Kate (because they are both definitely bi!), I don't think there's much more to be explored in the 50 Shades universe.

*I want to make it extremely clear I'm very supportive of anyone who discovered they are kinky through 50 Shades. I sort of did, in a way. What I'm referring to, is people who come to kink with a lot of uneducated opinions and under the delusion that kink in real life works like it does in 50 Shades. These people usually aren't even actually kinky, and just end up putting themselves and others in danger.